REVIEW: The Name of the Doctor

It’s been another abnormal season of Doctor Who.

Rather than a series split in two, this time it felt like five special stand-alone episodes, followed by a Christmas special, followed by a mini-series of 8. Yet, despite this, it did feel like a coherent, consistent run of 14 episodes. And although there weren’t as many stand out stories as previous seasons, there weren’t that many poor ones either (Cold War is the closest we got to a disappointment, and that wasn’t THAT bad).

And you know what they say about how important a good ending is? And The Name of the Doctor was certainly a good ending.

Before reading on, make sure to watch this week’s episode. Right here.

“WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING, A BODY? BODIES ARE BORING. I’VE HAD LOADS OF THEM.”

I’ll get my minor gripes about The Name of the Doctor out of the way first. There was an awful lot of standing around talking about things. There were a lot of characters thrashing about on the floor. And a bit too many laboured metaphors about souffles and leaves.

But I am really just nit-picking at things. Because this was an excellent, satisfying, wonderfully acted and beautiful conclusion to season 7 of Doctor Who. A Doctor Who story at the highest level.

And what an opening. Beginning with William Hartnall, Clara was – sometimes clumsily – inserted into scenes featuring all the classic Doctors. It was true fan service that didn’t alienate new Whovians. And it made my Doctor Who geek heart skip a beat. Who is Clara Oswald?

Shortly after this, Clara is called to a ‘conference call’ (Moffat does love to add the fantastic to the otherwise ordinary) with Strax, Vastra, Jenny and River – who isn’t nearly as annoying in this episode as she has been historically. And as the call goes wrong, Clara is forced to tell the Doctor that he must visit the one place in the world he must never go.

“THIS PLANET IS NOW PROPERTY OF THE SONTARAN EMPIRE. SURRENDER YOUR WOMEN AND INTELLECTUALS.”

Fortunately, although the story threatened to descend into timey-wimey nonsense, it didn’t.

Perhaps responding to criticism from the previous season, The Name of the Doctor was – although still ambitious – a lot easier to follow.

I’ve enjoyed the theories firing around the Doctor Who forums about who really is Clara Oswald. Is she really River Song? Could she be the Doctor’s granddaughter Susan? Maybe she’s a reincarnation of the The Master? The true reveal, that she has scattered herself through the Doctor’s timeline in order to ‘save him’, made far more sense, and was quite a satisfying conclusion to that character’s arc.

Jenna Louise Coleman was excellent once again. She, along with the comedy Sontaran (although I am not sure I can ever take these villains seriously every again), have been revelations this season. I could watch the pair of them all day. And Vastra’s heartbreak as she loses Jenny (a few times. The new Rory?) was also touching to watch.

But the real star of this show remains Matt Smith. His emotional reaction to the news that he would have to save his friends in the one place in the world he should not go, was surprising. And Clara’s caring reaction was genuinely touching. Smith’s Doctor isn’t quite the cry-baby that Tennant’s Doctor was. He is far more emotionally complex – sometimes dark, often awkward and regularly child-like. But in The Name of the Doctor he showed an emotional depth. The greatest moment was his ‘farewell’ (hopefully not) to River Song. This isn’t the awkward teenager in love we’d grown accustomed to. But a heartbroken man who misses his wife. It was the most emotional Doctor Who moment I’ve experienced since Rose was so cruelly taken from him in 2006. Superb scene. I hope it’s not over for them yet.

And I hope those rumours that Matt Smith will return for an eighth season are true. He may have done 42 episodes, but I’ve not finished with him yet.

YOU’RE ALWAYS HERE TO ME. AND I ALWAYS LISTEN. AND I CAN ALWAYS SEE YOU.

The episode was beautiful in its darkness. A TARDIS crypt, a ruined graveyard, catacombs. The tomb of the Doctor was such a great idea, that I always wished that was the name of the episode.

Almost as beautifully dark are the villains, The Whispermen. These monsters are the same, faceless, intimate murderers that have become Steven Moffat’s signature (gas mask kids, angels, snowmen, clockwork monsters, The Silence). The idea of ‘killing with a whisper’ is decidedly creepy and unnerving. I expect a few more letters of complaint from parents to be sent Moffat’s way before the week is over.

Of course the true baddie of the season is The Great Intelligence, an actual adversary for the Doctor to face (as opposed to fate or cracks in time). Richard E. Grant’s malicious evil had a campness to it, although he wasn’t a particularly convincing nemesis. His plan to manipulate the Doctor’s history seemed a bit overzealous. What did he have against all those planets and people The Doctor had saved?

Also, the impact of this didn’t make sense. In one scene Strax begins to attack Vastra because he no-longer recognises her. But, if Strax no-longers know who Vastra is, then how come he is even there at all?

“BUT NOT IN THE NAME OF THE DOCTOR!”

But that’s also a minor quibble. Because the actual conclusion, the final scene, was fantastic.

I had hoped that the title ‘The Name of the Doctor’ wasn’t as literal as it sounded. Who really wants to know his name? So when his ultimate secret was revealed to be a forgotten Doctor, well… that’s just excellent. And John Hurt, too.

Who is he? Where does he fit into the timeline? What did he do? Some fans suggest he is the Valeyard (an evil version of the Doctor from the dodgy Colin Baker serial Trial of the Time Lord, and actually named by The Great Intelligence in this episode) but I somehow doubt it.

The 50th anniversary special cannot come soon enough.

REVIEW: Journey to the Centre of the Tardis

Before reading on, make sure to watch Journey to the Centre of the Tardis right here from the BBC.

Last week’s episode of Doctor Who was, in many ways, a poor show.

A nonsense storyline. A magic button that saves the day. The tree from Avatar. The ending where everyone forgets. It was awful. Rubbish. Silly. Self-indulgent.

I secretly loved it.

“PLEASE, TELL ME THERE’S A BUTTON YOU CAN PRESS TO FIX THIS!”

Journey to the Centre of the Tardis had many of the hallmarks that we’ve come to expect from lazy Doctor Who writing.

The magic button solution – the one button that is pressed and everything is instantly saved – has always been a terrible get-out-of-jail card. And this episode even mocked the idea to begin with, “Yes, a big friendly button,” ridicules the Doctor.

This may have been a deliberate send-up of the concept by writer Stephen Thompson (best known for being the ‘other’ writer on Sherlock, and the man who penned last season’s ‘Curse of the Black Spot’) but he still used it. And it was still rubbish.

And if there is one thing worse than that ending, it’s an ending where everything is reverse, nobody remembers anything, and the whole 45 minutes turned out to be a total waste of time. And again, Thompson delivers us that ending, too.

There were also several other nonsensical moments, such as the revelation behind the episode’s horrific antagonists (who were perhaps a bit too scary and violent for Saturday evening tele, I’d argue). It turns out that the monsters that were hunting our characters down are in fact themselves, who have had their skin burnt by the Eye of Harmony. Why were they trying to kill their former selves? Who can say. Shits and giggles probably.

But the biggest frustration behind the episode were the corridors. Lots and lots of corridors. For all the hype behind seeing more of the Tardis, what we really got was a lot of corridors. Do you like corridors? Then you probably thought this was the best episode of Doctor Who of all time.

“I THINK I AM MORE SCARED OF YOU RIGHT NOW THAN ANYTHING IN THAT TARDIS.”

And yet, for its obvious failings, Journey to the Centre of the Tardis was a truly self-indulgent episode of Doctor Who, and gleefully so.

Yes, there was a magic button and barmy monsters. But so what? Doctor Who has always been about magic buttons and monsters with dubious motives. And if you are a Doctor Who fan, then you are the sort of person that can overlook that.

It was an episode that, lovingly, portrayed the Tardis as a living, intelligent super-machine, much in the way ‘The Doctor’s Wife’ did in the previous season. But I’ll get on to that later. Because my favourite part of this episode was the long-overdue confrontation between Clara and the Doctor.

The Doctor doesn’t trust Clara. She’s impossible. And Clara doesn’t trust the Doctor, he’s behaving like a mysterious creep. Clara was warned about the Doctor in the previous episode, ‘Hide’, and you can tell she’s actually a bit frightened of our hero.

The scene atop the cliffs, where the Doctor finally confronts Clara, is wonderful. He reveals to her why he has been behaving so strangely, she reveals to him that he scares her. It’s what makes the ‘and they all forgot’ ending so frustrating. Our two protagonists were just starting to trust each other. 

This, coupled with our disagreeable guest characters – the Van Baalen brothers – were the best parts of the episode. I particularly liked the character development of these brothers and the twisted revelation about one of them NOT being a robot was very clever. Usually it turns out he was a robot all along, not the other way around.

DON’T GET INTO A SPACESHIP WITH A MADMAN. DIDN’T ANYONE EVER TEACH YOU THAT?

Doctor Who fans for years have known about the secrets and depth the Tardis has. But this is the first time we’ve seen the true scale of the what the time machine offers since the series reboot. “Picture the biggest ship you’ve ever seen. Are you picturing it?” asks the Doctor. “Good. Now forget it. Because this ship is infinite.”

There are glimpses of the swimming pool, The Doctor’s bedroom and there’s a moment in the library that goes all very Harry Potter on us. There were bottles with Gallifrey history on the shelves that whisper their contents. Plus, a book – or rather a tome – of the ‘History of the Time War’. (I guess the chap who wrote that story didn’t have time to stick it in a bottle).

It’s this that is quite self-indulgent. Whovians – myself included – enjoyed these moments. It might not mean anything to new fans, but it added a bit of depth to the Doctor Who mystery.

There have been plenty of in-references to previous Doctor Who episodes this season. From Ice Warriors, to references to Susan (the Doctor’s granddaughter) and Metebelis III. There’s been plenty in this series to excite old-school Who fans. A deliberate ploy no-doubt to celebrate the series’ 50th year. I hope to see more references as the series reaches its conclusion.

All in, Journey to the Centre of the Tardis wasn’t a triumph of a Doctor Who story. But it was a fun little adventure that drew back a bit of the Doctor Who curtain, to reveal some of the secrets within.

And it was an episode all about foreshadowing. We’re building up to the final episode. “So that’s Who,” says Clara as she reads the book she finds in the Library.

What did she see?

REVIEW: Doctor Who: Hide

Doctor Who stepped up a notch this week with Hide, which is comfortably the best episode of 2013 so far. Before reading on, make sure to watch it here.

Neil Cross’ second story (although actually the first one he wrote) features nods to fans, plus plenty of foreshadowing to keep die hard viewers gossiping. But ultimately this was a thrilling ghost story with real heart and cracking performances, even if it did have a ‘love saves the day’ ending (and no-one likes those, right?)

“I AM THE DOCTOR AND I AM AFRAID”
Hide kicks off as your typical ghost story, and it’s genuinely unsettling at the start, with our ghoul apparently locked in some form of eternal scream.

Ghost hunter Professor Alec Palmer (Dougary Scott) is the one trying to document the hauntings, with the help of ‘empath’ Emma Grayling (Jessica Raine), before the Doctor and Clara turn up. The Doctor clearly hoping for a fun ol’ adventure.

It turns menacing soon enough, and after a handful of scary visitations (my favourite being the lightning strike at the window), and then the episode suddenly turns into being a sci-fi adventure. Not that the scares completely hide away, when we are introduced to the villain of the story, the hideous ‘Crooked Man’.

It all looked fantastic, too. The other-worldly ‘pocket dimension’ had a creepy hostility to it, while the haunted house is exactly the sort of place you’d want to avoid at all costs. Location-wise, there wasn’t a whole lot of variety. But as a spooky sci-fi, the episode certainly looked the part.

But this isn’t really a sci-fi episode, or a ghost episode, or a sci-fi ghost episode. This is a love story, and one with real heart.

“NOT EVERYTHING ENDS. NOT LOVE. NOT ALWAYS.”

Scott and Raine do a brilliant job as Palmer and Grayling, two companions unable to express their love for one another. And their uncomfortable attempts at doing so are genuinely lovely.

And then there is the ultimate twist at the end (perhaps one twist too many, but I’ll let it slide), which reveals that the monsters of the piece are in fact lovers trying to unite. No one sci-fi fan really likes it when their TV shows go all mushy on them, but Hide wasn’t overwritten, and it is a genuinely touching.

Away from the story and performances (it goes without saying that Smith and Coleman were excellent, right?), there was plenty here for the old-school Doctor Who fan to enjoy.

For classic Whovians, the Doctor uses a crystal to power his dimension-hopping device from a planet called Metebelis III, which is an important location in two Jon Pertwee stories, The Green Death and Planet of the Spiders (although Smith’s Doctor pronounced it slightly differently, don’t tell the forums). Meanwhile for modern Who fans, we saw the Doctor’s orange spacesuit again, last seen in David Tennant’s Water of Mars.

“YOU ARE THE ONLY MYSTERY WORTH SOLVING”
But for the here and now, there was also plenty of new mystery around Clara.

We finally see more of the apparent conflict between the Doctor’s new companion and the Tardis. And, quite surprisingly, the Tardis revealed itself to Clara in this episode, speaking with her and even agreeing to help rescue the Doctor. I’m not sure the Tardis has ever done anything like this before. Rose had to get a truck.

Then there’s Grayling’s warning to Oswald about the ‘slither of ice’ jn the Doctor’s heart. A warning that timely appears shortly after the announcement of the final episode of this series, The Name of the Doctor, where his ultimate secret will be revealed.

Clara and the Doctor’s relationship did take an interesting turn in this episode. When the Doctor goes through the entirety of life’s history she asks our time traveller if everyone are merely ghosts to him. Already dead. The Doctor is temporarily flabbergasted, mumbling some nonsense. In a few lines Clara almost manages to ruin the idea of travelling through time and spaces. Almost.

Is Clara just an ordinary girl? What would River make of all of this flirting between the Doctor and his new companion?

And perhaps most importantly of all, what has happened to the Doctor’s umbrella holder?

REVIEW: Doctor Who: Cold War

(Before reading, make sure to watch the latest episode right here)

Cold War marked a disappointing return for the Ice Warriors

Let’s talk about Mark Gatiss.

I like Mark. He is a huge Doctor Who fan. I’ve loved his Sherlock episodes. I like the fact he’s doing a docudrama to celebrate the 50th anniversary.

But he’s never written a really good episode of Doctor Who (Unquiet Dead, maybe, aside). He appears to be very much an ideas man. Ice Warrior on a submarine? Sign me up. Creepy dolls terrify a little boy in a dolls house (Night Terrors)? Sounds brilliant. Daleks in World War II (Victory of the Daleks)? Why didn’t anyone else think of that!

But his episodes of Who never quite live up to the premise. And they all end the same – with earnest talking and convincing saving the day.

5,000 YEARS? THAT’S A HELL OF A NAP. NO WONDER YOU GOT OUT ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED

Not that Cold War was a bad episode, it was just a bit average and, at worst, a tad dull.

The episode had echoes of Alien as an Ice Warrior (in their first TV appearance since 1974′s Monster of Peladon) crawls around a soviet submarine. And it has all the hallmarks of a classic horror, complete with creepy skittering noises, poor lighting and claustrophobic setting. But it fell short.

The Ice Warrior was set-up to be a malevolent creature that could kill at will. But right from the beginning you realised this was a monster that could be reasoned with, and so you never feel quite as threatened by it (unlike the monster in Alien).  This stays true to the Ice Warriors who, like the Silurians, aren’t unreasonable bastards (in fact this episode had a few similarities to The Hungry Earth, with humans attacking first and prompting the Doctor to convince the baddies it was all one big mistake).

Then there’s the impending issue of the ‘air running out’. Except, despite occasional references to Oxygen levels, there’s a distinct lack of tension around this. Series Three opener Smith and Jones did the whole ‘lack of air’ plot device a whole lot better.

Despite being set in a submarine, there was a lack of crawling or crouching. In fact, everyone appeared to have plenty of room. (There was even room in the walls for a big monster to crawl around in).

Also, when the Doctor suggests people ‘split up’ to find the Ice Warrior, I can’t quite work out why? The Doctor says the crew could just wait around to be killed, but surely they want to find the Ice Warrior? Letting it come to them makes sense. It came across as a contrived moment so that the Ice Warrior could pick off the characters one-by-one.

So it lacked scares. In fact, it lacked plot. Ice Warrior wakes up on a submarine. Kills people. Changes mind. Goes home. And there’s a lot of talking, too. Lots of talking.

It was all one big missed opportunity.

HAIR, SHOULDER PADS, NUKES, IT’S THE 80s, EVERYTHING IS BIGGER!

The new-look Ice Warrior stays true to the original but looks contemporary

But let’s be fair, it wasn’t a complete disappointment. Mark Gatiss may have never written a Doctor Who classic, but he’s never written a poor episode either (the much maligned Victory of the Daleks included).

The whole cold war/nuke theme gave the episode a bit of a historical edge, but it also felt quite contemporary, particularly given all the tensions around North Korea at the moment.

And there was a few nice moments. For example, the instance when the Doctor discovers the mutilated bodies of two of the ship’s crew and the horrified reaction from Clara. This marks the first moment our new companion discovers that travelling around with The Doctor is not all alien worlds and funny quips.

And it was well acted. Mostly well directed. The Ice Warrior looked great. And the whole ‘who is Clara?’ question was sensibly left to one side for an episode.

But ultimately, Cold War made me feel a little Cold. Let’s hope Mark can live up to his own ideas in his next episode, The Crimson Horror on May 4th.

What is the Doctor’s name?

The finale of series 8 of Doctor Who will reveal the Doctor’s biggest secret. The episode’s title: The Name of the Doctor.

They couldn’t, could they? Actually reveal his name? Do we really want to know? He will always be The Doctor.

Steven Moffatt suggested The Doctor never revealed his name because it must have ‘been some terrible secret.’ Meanwhile, throughout Who TV history, The Doctor has said the name would be ‘unpronounceable’ to humans.

Also, in a number of recent episodes The Doctor’s name was hidden by those trying to use witchcraft or psychic abilities to break into the Doctor’s name. “There is no name. Why would a man hide his title in such despair?” said one of the witches in The Shakespeare Code.

I’m not entirely convinced we will get the Doctor’s real name. But it’s fun to speculate what it might be. So here are my attempts.

CLARA OSWIN OSWALD

Could it be that the Doctor’s latest companion IS the Doctor. It’ll require some sci-fi nonsense to explain her multiple deaths, why she’s forgotten and why the Doctor’s doesn’t recognize the name Clara Oswin Oswald. Perhaps the Doctor’s name is an anagram of this mysterious character all along?

There’s another element that adds credence to this suggestion. The BBC wrote this teaser: “stand by for something that you might always have believed to be impossible…” Could it be that the Doctor is, in fact, a woman?

RIVER SONG

River revealed the Doctor’s name in the series 4 episode Forest of the Dead, whispering it into the tenth Doctor’s ear. The suggestion was that he told it to her when they got married. Except when the River and the Doctor did get ‘married’ he actually whispered ‘look into my eye.’

So how did River know what the Doctor’s name was? Is it because she IS the Doctor.

I find this one hard to believe. The idea that River was Amy’s daughter took a lot of getting my head around. But Amy and Rory are the Doctor’s parents?

JOHN SMITH

Let’s be honest, introducing yourself as The Doctor is a little bit pretentious. Something our time traveller realised very early on, so would occasionally say his name is John Smith. The most normal name anyone can think of.

But what if… what if his name is John Smith. It would be a rubbish revelation. But it would be in keeping with Who history.

 THE DOCTOR

Perhaps he doesn’t have a name. At least not a normal one. Maybe The Doctor’s real name is The Doctor. Again, that would be a rubbish ending. And wouldn’t explain what River Song whispered into the Doctor’s ear.

THETA SIGMA  (ΘΣ)

Or simply, Thete. This was the Doctor’s nickname at the Time Lord Academy, as revealed in the fourth Doctor adventure The Armageddon Factor and the seventh Doctor story The Happiness Patrol. The Theta Sigma symbol also appears on the Universe’ oldest cliff face in The Pandorica Opens, as put there by River Song. Is this the name River whispered into the Doctor’s ear?

DOCTOR FOREMAN

The Doctor’s granddaughter was Susan Foreman. Was this her real name? It’s not clear. But Susan was referenced in this series’ The Rings of Akhaten. So maybe there is a hint in Susan’s name.

TREVOR

But perhaps The Doctor isn’t even an alien time traveller at all. Perhaps he’s really just an actor from Croydon called Trevor. Now that would be a brave plot twist.

Doctor Who: The Name of the Doctor airs on May 18^th, 2013. It’s written by Steven Moffat and marks the return of Alex Kingston as River Song.

Should the 50th anniversary be a multi-Doctor spectacular?

David Tennant and Billie Piper are back in Doctor Who.

Tennant is THE Doctor for much of today’s teen and 20-something fans, and Piper was THE companion.

And what’s even better, one of the main villains will by the Zygons. A fan-favourite baddie that, surprisingly, have only ever appeared in one previous Doctor Who TV story.

It’s great to hear that the 60-minute 3D special (3D, really? Who asked for that?) will pay homage to previous seasons. But… what about the other Doctors? The other villians? The other companions?

Is the Doctor that regretted being the Doctor, Christopher Eccleston, really not going to show up at all?

What about the Doctor that was disappointed to have only to starred in one TV story, Paul McGann?

Or Sylvester McCoy who recently showed up in the Doctor Who special of Pointless and Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit?

Or I’m a Celebrity’s very own Colin Baker?

Or the still very active Peter Davidson?

Or THE Doctor for all those 20-something’s dads, Tom Baker?

And then what about those who are no-longer with us? William Hartnall, Patrick Troughton and Jon Pertwee? The former two are being played by David Bradley and Reece Shearsmith in the upcoming docu-drama An Adventures in Time and Space. Could they play the Doctor in this episode?

Or perhaps the question isn’t could… it’s should. Should we actually bother with a multi-Doctor story?

YES

Absolutely we should. This is 50 years of Doctor Who. Only James Bond has had the ability to evolve with the years and still stay true to what it was 50 years ago. The 60 minute spectacular at the end of the year isn’t just another Doctor Who story, it’s a celebration. And everyone should be invited to the party.

And that includes the audience. This needs to be a show that not just pleases the current generation of Whovians, but every generation. The BBC needs to somehow craft an episode that will attract the kids, their parents and their parents. And the easiest way to do that, and the best I’d argue, is to take a trip down memory lane and bring everyone back.

Granted, multi-Doctor stories have been hit-and-miss in the past. The absolutely dreadful Dimensions In Time, a Children In Need special episode designed to celebrate Doctor Who’s 30 years, is the pinnacle of bad Who stories. So bad that it’s not even considered canon.

But Steven Moffat isn’t about to write a bad episode. Even his ‘poor’ episodes, like 2010’s The Beast Below, is still infinitely better than most other episodes out there. The 50^th Anniversary Special will not be Dimensions in Time.

And just because you’re bringing back McCoy and the Bakers, does not mean they have to play the Doctor. They’re all noticeably older (and larger) than they were during their Who days. Why can’t they be cameo players? Incidental side characters, designed to honour the show whilst not confusing the story?

The biggest challenge in my eyes is not bringing back the Doctor, but the villains. Not only does Doctor Who’s 50 year special have to pay homage to those that have come before Matt Smith, but also to the baddies, too. Daleks, Cybermen, Ice Warriors… The Master.

And then there are the companions.

I know anniversary specials in the past have been confusing affairs, with too many cameos and baddies and not enough, well, story. But this year is different. We are not celebrating a random tenth birthday. This is 50 years. And the fans want to see everyone back together for one big celebration.

 

NO

Doctor Who does not need to end in a multi-Doctor story, multi-bad guy, multi-companion story. In fact, it shouldn’t.

There are many ways in which the BBC can celebrate Doctor Who this year, and they are already doing. A docu-drama that tells the story of the first ever Doctor Who, written by the wonderful Mark Gatiss, is a great way.

The problem with writing a multi-Doctor story, is that the writer begins telling the story from the wrong place. Moffat is a man who dreams up great ideas and then turns them into wonderful scripts with great characters. That idea could be about an evil in the Wi-Fi, or a crack in a bedroom wall, or a planet full of mad Daleks. It shouldn’t be ‘How do I get all the Doctor’s in the same room again?’

And more to the point, all the Doctor’s together just would not work.

I love Classic-era Who. I just finished Tomb of the Cyberman again, what a wonderful episode that was.

But it’s camp. Over-the-top. Silly. Can you imagine the over-dramatic Sylvester McCoy in the same world as Matt Smith?

Doctor Who today is still the same show as it was, but the tone is noticeably different. The first seven Doctors are overly eccentric.

If there is going to be a multi-Who episode, I’d suggest that you leave it with Tennant. Maybe, if you can, attract back Eccleston and McGann, too. These Doctors still work in the modern day. But leave it with that. Let the 50^th Anniversary of Doctor Who get marked with a spectacular, exciting, dramatic story, that has a number of nods and winks to previous stories but in a subtle way.

As for the suggestion that perhaps McCoy, Baker, Davidson and Baker make cameo appearances. Again, I am going to have to say no.

A lovely anecdote came out from the recent James Bond 50^th anniversary on how they nearly had Sean Connery in the movie Skyfall. The legendary actor was going to play one of the side characters. But they decided against it very quickly. The reason that director San Mendes gives is that ‘it would take you out of the movie.’

Indeed, it would. Rather than getting drawn into the action, you’ll spend half your time going ‘oh look, Sylvester is playing the Café owner!’ Is that Ace playing that tramp? What’s the point in making it 3D if you want your audience to spend half its time getting excited by cameos.

As for the villains? Forget Zygons. It just has to be the Daleks.

The multi-baddie nonsense that was The Five Doctors turned out to be a mess. And this year’s series of Doctor Who already features episodes with Cybermen and Ice Warriors. Just stick with the iconic pepperpots. Make a few winks to the classics, and create an episode so good that Doctor Who fans will be proud to show their grandchildren in 50 years time.

That’s the best way anyone can honour 50 years of such an iconic television programme.

REVIEW: Doctor Who: The Bells of Saint John

What’s that coming over the hill?

The Doctor returned this week in a decent, old-school opening to the second half of series seven. But before you read this review, so to avoid spoilers, make sure to watch the episode first by clicking right here.

After six epic, movie-like episodes (kicking off with Asylum of the Daleks and finishing with The Snowmen), The Doctor finds himself in a more traditional adventure this week. One that wouldn’t have looked out-of-place in a David Tennant series of Who.

But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. A Doctor Who that’s a bit closer to home, that sees our time traveller race around the streets of London and up the Shard, is the sort of gimmicky, relatable story that’s been lacking from Who recently.

“THEY CALL HIM THE MAD MONK, DON’T THEY?” “THEY SHOULDN’T. HE’S DEFINITELY NOT A MONK.”

It starts off epic enough. Following a warning video about not clicking on unknown Wi-Fi that echoes the ending of Blink, The Doctor is found in full monk get-up in 1207 Cumbria. He’s meditating. Trying to find out how to locate the mysterious ‘woman who died twice’ Clara Oswald (which anyone who watched the prologue, will know is exactly what he said he was going to do).

And then the phone on his Tardis rings. You know. The one with the St John’s Ambulance sign on the front. So of course his fellow monks call it the ‘Bells of St John’. Much like ‘Let’s Kill Hitler’ the title of this episode really has nothing whatsoever to do with the story.

The woman on the other end is Clara. Her internet isn’t working. And she’s been given the Doctor’s number by a ‘woman in a shop’ (my money is on River Song, or maybe Rose Tyler) who says he is the best help she can get.

Soon The Doctor is at Clara’s door. Only Clara has now clicked on the wrong Wi-Fi, the evil Wi-Fi, the Wi-Fi that will suck up your soul and upload you to the World Wide Web ‘like flies. Stuck forever. Crying out for help.’

And this is where the show stops being a bit different, a bit weird, and descends into traditional Doctor Who territory. And there’s not much here we’ve not seen before, in one form or another.

The idea of an evil presence sucking up souls via the Wi-Fi may sound new and current (although it also sounds like a middle aged man ranting about online security and his hatred of Twitter – although I’m not necessarily disagreeing with him). But in reality it’s the same concept from The Idiots Lantern (just replace internet with TV), then there’s the robots that come to suck up the souls (affectionately dubbed ‘Spoonheads’) that are similar in appearance to the Nodes from a pervious Steven Moffat episode – Silence in the Library. In fact, the idea of the Doctor’s phone ringing isn’t new, either. Do you remember the creepy ‘are you my mummy?’ phone call from Moffat’s very first Doctor Who, The Empty Child?

ACTUALLY, HE’S ABOUT TO GO ON HOLIDAY. KILL HIM WHEN HE COMES BACK. LET’S NOT BE UNREASONABLE

It may sound like I am being critical of this episode. But in reality I fancied a bit of tradition, particularly in this 50^th anniversary year.

Perhaps the bigger issue is that the episode wasn’t particularly frightening and the threat never felt very, well, threatening.

The moment the Doctor reversed Clara’s download, despite the efforts of the villains, you knew our hero was in comfortable territory here. Celia Imrie as the murderous Miss Kislet was wonderful. But, quite frankly, she didn’t stand a chance. And it was just a matter of time before The Doctor drove into her 65th floor office, sat at her desk and then defeated her in a deliciously clever way.

But again, this isn’t necessarily a criticism. Anyone who watched old Who, such as Remembrance of the Daleks, will know that there are stories where the Doctor is just far smarter than his opponent. And sometimes those are the most enjoyable to watch, and that was definitely the case here. ‘Under my protection’ is the Doctor’s message to Kislet when she tries to capture Clara. It recalls Smith’s words to the Atraxi in his first story, The Eleventh Hour: “And is this planet protected?”

But of course there is a more sinister villain lurking in the shadows. The Great Intelligence – the two-time baddie from Patrick Troughton’s Doctor Who and the Mr. Nasty in last year’s Christmas special. Once again played by Richard E. Grant. That’s right, for the first time in Steven Moffat’s era of Doctor Who, we have an actual proper bad person for the Doctor to beat. Not fate. Not time itself. But a real evil. Thank goodness for that.

I CAN’T TELL THE FUTURE. I JUST WORK THERE.

The best part of The Bells of Saint John is the relationship between Clara and The Doctor. The pair are brilliant together, with a level of banter and flirting that sits somewhere between the Doctor’s relationship with Amy and her daughter River.

Clara, too, is the right sort of Doctor Who companion. She’s not just the show’s new mystery. She’s smart and quick-witted and certain to fit in well.

Best of all, The Doctor cares for her. Just like he did the Ponds. The Doctor sitting outside Clara’s house, guarding her (having already tucked her in and fed her Jammy Dodgers) was genuinely lovely. And you can appreciate why The Doctor is being so caring. This isn’t just our Time Lord trying to figure out who the devil she is (although he is), this is somebody he has failed to save twice. He doesn’t want there to be a third time.

Overall this was a decent Doctor Who if perhaps not a memorable one. There was plenty of banter, it was fun, there were a few cultural references (The London Riots get a nod), there’s a special bowtie moment, and two scenes with a fez. There’s also a few references to previous Doctor Who episodes. UNIT shows up at the climax, while Clara’s favourite book is ‘Summer Falls’ by a certain Amelia Williams. Will this come back as a plot point later?

A solid opener to what will be a very important 12 months for Doctor Who.